I was almost the only female in the theater. Almost. Shortly before the movie started, a guy and girl sat right behind me and began making out. Then an ad for a rob zombie movie came on, and the guy jumped up and shouted, “Yeah, Rob! Rob Zombie!” okay, two of my favorite theater things going on, and the movie hasn’t even started.
So now it’s me, thirty fat guys -- I’m sorry. I know that’s a stereotype, but I’m telling the absolute truth here -- me, thirty fat guys, a screen shouter, and a mall rat. I begin to wonder if something is wrong with me.
I move to another seat on the other side of the theater.
Someone sits right behind me with some kind of stinky spam sandwich that makes my throat burn. By this time the movie has started and I’m sinking down in my seat, pulling the neckline of my shirt up over my nose.
What’s wrong with me?
Girls don’t like zombie movies.
There’s something wrong with me.
But as soon as the movie starts and the zombies begin to move in that sweet, sluggish way they do, I smile. And I keep smiling.
I love zombies.
And I think I’ve figured out why most girls don’t like zombie movies. It isn’t because there isn’t a lot personal growth and angst and girl talk and deep feelings exposed and explored. It’s the gore. As soon as the gore starts, my mind begins to drift. I find myself wondering if they have cinnamon scones at the nearby caribou coffee. On screen, a zombie reaches deep into the mouth of a victim and pulls out what I think is a heart. Could be a lung, but I think it’s a heart. If they don’t have cinnamon, the lemon scones are pretty good…
And then we have the thing I try not to think about: If zombies are dead, how is it they “die” when they are shot? Oh, stop it! Don’t think about that! I mean, I could get it if they had their legs cut off and could no longer get from point A to point B, or they were incinerated. That’s the best solution. Turn them to ashes. But shot? It’s a zombie movie, for chrissake. It doesn’t always have to make sense. Yeah, but, but, but… I almost think there was an explanation for that in night of the living dead, but I don’t remember what it was….
I give it an 8 out of 10. maybe 9 out of 10, but nostalgia and my lovelovelove for night of the living dead and my respect for george romero probably play into those numbers. That opening half hour in night of the living dead – if you’ve never seen it, you have to see it. Amazing. Absolutely amazing.
I love zombies.