Sunday, June 12, 2005

stalking dean koontz

Desperation, prostitution, and the degrading quest for cover quotes.

What have we turned into? Buncha whores? Ever hear the one about an editor who had a desperate, unpublished author stick a manuscript under the bathroom stall while the editor was on the toilet? Now extreme pressure is being put on published authors to come up with similar tactics, to somehow get New York Times bestselling authors to read our work and give us quotes. What is so messed up is that these quotes aren’t really used to sell the book to readers; they’re used to sell the book to the publisher’s marketing department. No quote, no financial backing. So lemme see…

My to-do list:

pick up a box of computer paper and ink
get cat shaved
car oil change
dental cleaning and checkup
stalk Dean Koontz

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Lotsa said...

So send Koontz an email saying you'll be happy to do a cover quote for his new book, FRANKENSTEIN, BOOK TWO: CITY OF LIGHT. No need to thank you, he can simply return the favor. Hahahaha.

Shave the cat???

anne frasier said...

doesn't everybody get their cat shaved? :D

i put up a photo for your viewing pleasure.

Lotsa said...

Educate me. Why would anyone do THAT to their cat??? Must be a yankee thing. :D

anne frasier said...

because i'm EVIL! :D

actually the cat is much happier and healthier after she's been shaved. she normally has long thick hair, and no matter how much you brush her she always has stomach problems because of eating hair. plus when her hair is long she is too hot. once she's been shaved, she's like a different cat. very happy, social, purring all the time. acts years younger. when her hair is long, she's a grumpy old bitch that hardly moves.

i recently came across this on pretty funny.

(Jack)ie said...

My late girlfriend shaved her Schnauzer every summer but I've never heard of shaving a cat.

I wanted to shave my girlfriend once but she wasn't really enthused about the idea. :)

anne frasier said...

cats do love it, i swear! not the actually shaving process, but afteward. well, my cat doesn't even mind being shaved!

Jeff said...

What a great idea! When I get my first novel completed I can track you down (possibly into a mall restroom) and slip the manuscript under the stall. You can give it a quick gander and jot a note or two on the cover while I wait. Nothing fancy, maybe just a "Gripping" "Hard to put down" "Jeff is on his way to becoming the new master in the suspense genre." Something simple like that. Is that too much to ask?
I'm laughing my butt off here! :)

anne frasier said...

OMG, Jeff! I laughed out loud when i read your post!
and now i'm thinking this bathroom thing could be a whole new way of advertising. why didn't i think of it before? we should be leaving blurbs on bathroom stalls. we should be talking up our next book. instead of a phone number, we leave the ISBN number. :D

Jer said...

anne, I actually kissed Dean Koontz's garage. Don't know if it was an homage or if I was drunk. Long time ago.

Anyway, Doug Clegg is a superb novelist of the same genre as Koontz. And DC posts on HW occasionally. I know him well enough to introduce you... He's ace!

anne frasier said...

oh, yes. doug! i wondered about stalking him! :D
and since you know him, i wouldn't have to stalk him at all!

anne frasier said...

jer, i forgot to say how cool is is that you kissed dean's garage! i really think we need to hear more about that!!

Jer said...

Well, you know that in our writers' group frogspit is considered good luck. So I had this misplaced notion that if I spit on Dean Koontz's garage it might mean good luck. (I'm much to nice to spit on his house.) I was with Charlie and Deb who actually encouraged me. As I approached the garage I got scared that someone might see me, so I kissed the garage and let a little spit dribble. Yes, I'm a silly silly woman. But it was fun. Jer

anne frasier said...

so I kissed the garage and let a little spit dribble.

OMG!! :D
thanks for sharing that!!!