Saturday, August 13, 2005

an acid trip down memory lane

That was weird. I decided to dig out a couple of my old books to send to Bonnie in Georgia and now a whole day has been shot to hell. I opened a book I wrote twenty years ago, and it was like getting lost in a box of high school mementos. Kind of a head trip, because I hadn’t expected the book to plant me so firmly in my past, in my old life.

My God, I was naïve. I wrote some things that were lame and dishonest, more focused on getting the friggin' book sold than saying what I really should have said. But a lot of it was real. Most of it was real. But I was still a naïve idiot. :D The writing was dramatic and sappy, leaning too heavily on things I’d read in other books, thinking it was expected of me – and maybe it was.

I experience this recall whenever I look at old book covers. I remember where we were living at the time the book was written, what we were doing. The books become markers that coincide with life events. But I never actually picked one up and read it until today. Weird as hell.

9 comments:

Jeff said...

For me, there are certain photographs that have the power to instantly transport me back in time with such clarity I can actually once again experience the smells, sights, sounds, and even the emotional state I was in at the time. Some good-- my great-grandmother's farm, high school basketball awards, college graduation, the birth of my children. Some not so good-- my best friend's death, and my parent's divorce.
It is weird, and when I look back, there are definitely some things I would change, but that's not an option, is it? Memory lane only travels in one direction.

anne frasier said...

smells seem to be the big one for me.

e-mom said...

Wow, I might get some books :D
I totally get the memory lane thing.
I had to help mother clean out some things and I could totally associate them what I was doing when I got them or why I kept something ..ya know cause I got it the day I met (insert random cute guy)

Kelly Parra said...

I think a writer is always her best critic of past works and it's great that you can read the books and recall where you were and what you were doing.

What I can't get over is that you never picked up an older book and read it before! LOL! ;D

Jer said...

I'm writing an article today for a Journal, and I had to use lots of my old writings in it. I had such fun reading and remembering. Of course I didn't get the damn article done and it was due by 5 Central Time. But the memories were fun.

anne frasier said...

kelly, most of my books are packed. most of my life is packed! :D i've moved twice in the past 10 years, each move was supposed to last about a year so i never unpacked!

jer, sorry you didn't get the article done! hopefully you have a new deadline.

Guyot said...

This happens to me when I see an old episode of FELICITY or some other show I wrote, or come across an old screenplay that was sold but thankfully never made into a film.

I get embarrassed and nostalgic all at the same time.

anne frasier said...

i loved felicity. i wasn't as addicted to it as i was to party of five, but i was definitely addicted!

Jer said...

Thanks, anne. Yes, I did get new deadline, it's tomorrow. So I'm relaxed and having fun with the article. Jer