Saturday, August 13, 2005

an acid trip down memory lane

That was weird. I decided to dig out a couple of my old books to send to Bonnie in Georgia and now a whole day has been shot to hell. I opened a book I wrote twenty years ago, and it was like getting lost in a box of high school mementos. Kind of a head trip, because I hadn’t expected the book to plant me so firmly in my past, in my old life.

My God, I was naïve. I wrote some things that were lame and dishonest, more focused on getting the friggin' book sold than saying what I really should have said. But a lot of it was real. Most of it was real. But I was still a naïve idiot. :D The writing was dramatic and sappy, leaning too heavily on things I’d read in other books, thinking it was expected of me – and maybe it was.

I experience this recall whenever I look at old book covers. I remember where we were living at the time the book was written, what we were doing. The books become markers that coincide with life events. But I never actually picked one up and read it until today. Weird as hell.


Jeff said...

For me, there are certain photographs that have the power to instantly transport me back in time with such clarity I can actually once again experience the smells, sights, sounds, and even the emotional state I was in at the time. Some good-- my great-grandmother's farm, high school basketball awards, college graduation, the birth of my children. Some not so good-- my best friend's death, and my parent's divorce.
It is weird, and when I look back, there are definitely some things I would change, but that's not an option, is it? Memory lane only travels in one direction.

anne frasier said...

smells seem to be the big one for me.

e-mom said...

Wow, I might get some books :D
I totally get the memory lane thing.
I had to help mother clean out some things and I could totally associate them what I was doing when I got them or why I kept something ..ya know cause I got it the day I met (insert random cute guy)

Kelly Parra said...

I think a writer is always her best critic of past works and it's great that you can read the books and recall where you were and what you were doing.

What I can't get over is that you never picked up an older book and read it before! LOL! ;D

Jer said...

I'm writing an article today for a Journal, and I had to use lots of my old writings in it. I had such fun reading and remembering. Of course I didn't get the damn article done and it was due by 5 Central Time. But the memories were fun.

anne frasier said...

kelly, most of my books are packed. most of my life is packed! :D i've moved twice in the past 10 years, each move was supposed to last about a year so i never unpacked!

jer, sorry you didn't get the article done! hopefully you have a new deadline.

Guyot said...

This happens to me when I see an old episode of FELICITY or some other show I wrote, or come across an old screenplay that was sold but thankfully never made into a film.

I get embarrassed and nostalgic all at the same time.

anne frasier said...

i loved felicity. i wasn't as addicted to it as i was to party of five, but i was definitely addicted!

Jer said...

Thanks, anne. Yes, I did get new deadline, it's tomorrow. So I'm relaxed and having fun with the article. Jer